


i stumble and you steady me

by Iza (KaladinRaoden)



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Happy Childhood Memories, Hide is a Good friend, In-line With Canon, M/M, and also an idiot, for all your childhood hidekane needs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 02:38:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10755009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaladinRaoden/pseuds/Iza
Summary: Kaneki treats one wound and opens another.Basically Kaneki remembers a happy day with Hide and angsts about it





	i stumble and you steady me

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from La Dispute's Thirteen
> 
> i just wanted to write cute fluffy hidekane childhood stuff but somehow this got very emotional, i'm sorry!  
> also, this is my first fic and english is not my first language so please be gentle with me^^  
> if you leave any kind of feedback there's a 100% chance i'll love you forever <3

Kaneki hoped he would make it to his room without anyone noticing.

He could have easily gotten help from someone, Hinami or Banjou, or maybe even Touka. When he imagined Hinami though, her eyes widening in concern upon seeing his scratched up and bleeding arm, saying _onii-chan, what happened_? he quickly decided against alerting anyone. They were all worried about him enough as it was already and he didn't want to bother them with something he could easily take care of himself.

So he carefully made his way through the hallways, making sure no one would notice his presence, and went to the storage room to pick up the first-aid kit. When he accidentally hit his injured arm on a shelf, Kaneki almost let out a shout of pain but managed to stifle it by quickly bringing his fist to his mouth and biting it.

“Ahhh _fuck--”_

The wound throbbed painfully and Kaneki kept clenching and unclenching his fist to try and alleviate the pain – with only mild success.

When he heard footsteps from outside, Kaneki froze and then hurried into a corner where he hoped he wouldn't be spotted immediately if someone opened the door. From the hallway, Kaneki thought he heard a faint _Miss Hinami_. Tsukiyama and Hinami then, huh.

Tensed up in his corner, Kaneki waited for the footsteps to pass by the door and eventually fade completely.

After he had put an ear against the door to make sure the coast was clear, Kaneki moved to pick up the first-aid kit and finally made his way to his room.

Arriving there, he closed the door behind him and let out a sigh of relief.

“Alright, let's get this taken care of,” Kaneki mumbled to himself as he sat down on the bed and opened the first-aid kit. Some medical alcohol to disinfect the wound and bandages to wrap it up should do it, ghouls regenerated considerably faster than humans after all, and a wound like this would most likely be fully healed in a day.

Kaneki felt more sorry for the black shirt he was wearing and that now had holes in it. (A present from Tsukiyama. “Black really suits you, Kaneki-kun.”) He carefully pulled it over his head and let it fall to the floor. He would have no choice but to throw it away.

The sting of the alcohol on his bruised skin seemed to remind Kaneki of something, some memory from long ago. He briefly closed his eyes and tried to focus on the scattered and blurry images that appeared in his mind.

The sound of water... A laughing voice... Himself? No, someone else... Pain in his knee...

Suddenly, the memories came flooding back to him.

 

***

 

The sun is burning down from the sky and all Kaneki can hear is his panting breath and the sound of his footsteps on the hot pavement.

“Hide! Wait! You're too fast!”

A dozen or so meters in front of him, Hide comes to a stop and turns around, sheepish grin on his face.

“Sorry, Kaneki, but you're so slow, come on! I've been looking forward to this all week.”

Kaneki catches up to Hide and tries to regain his breath and answer him but Hide simply grabs Kaneki's hand and drags Kaneki along with him.

“Hideeee!!”

 

***

 

Kaneki let out a chuckle while carefully bandaging his arm. Had that been in fourth grade? Fifth? He wasn't sure. But he remembered that Hide had wanted to go play at the river so badly. And of course he had dragged Kaneki along with him. Whatever they did, they did together.

Not anymore.

Kaneki fixed the bandage with a clip.

 

***

 

As soon as they arrive at the river, Hide yanks his shoes and socks of, rolls up the legs of his pants and proceeds to walk into the water.

“Hide, be careful!”

Hide just laughs and waves, the sun making his blond hair glow even brighter.

Between the two of them, Hide has always been the cheerful one, dragging Kaneki out of his room and away from his books. Like that one time they went beetle hunting and got lost in the woods. (Kaneki's aunt had grounded him for two weeks for that and Kaneki had rejected Hide's offer to come by with a ladder to put up to Kaneki's window in order to save him).

And Kaneki always follows Hide, always stays by his side, by that smile shining brighter than the sun.

Like now, when he, albeit a bit hesitantly, moves to slip out of his shoes and socks and joins Hide in the shallow water.

Hide comes over to him and the smile is replaced by a mischiveous grin, just moments before Kaneki is being splashed by cold water.

He lets out a surprised shriek and starts a counterattack, plunging his hands into the water and throwing as much as he can in Hide's direction.

“I-I give up,” Hide says after a while, his hands raised in defeat.

Out of breath and thoroughly drenched, the two of them stumble out of the water and flop down on the lush, green grass of the riverbank.

Hide closes his eyes. “Ahhh, this is heaven,” he sighs.

Kaneki hums in agreement. “We should come here more often.”

“Right?” Hide perks up. “I have the best ideas, don't I? Right, Kaneki? Tell me I have the best ideas!” Hide looks very proud, Kaneki thinks, leaning toward him, eager for approval.

Kaneki smiles. “You have the best ideas, Hide.”

“Haaaah,” Hide sighs and dramatically clutches his chest while falling back down unto the grass.

It's quiet between them for a while, both boys content to let the sun warm their faces and dry their clothes.

As he's about to doze off, Kaneki hears a soft gasp next to him, followed by, “that cloud looks like a steak!”

Kaneki opens his eyes and turns his head to find Hide looking intently at the sky, one arm pointed upward to a cloud that apparently looks like a steak. Kaneki isn't sure he sees the resemblance.

Hide meets his gaze. “Come on, Kaneki! You look for something, too!”

Spotting objects in the clouds. Kaneki isn't sure he will find something but after a while he points to a cloud and announces, “this one looks like a book.”

Hide groans immediately and buries his face in his hands.

“Kaneki,” he whines.

“You can't just think about books all the time,” Hide says while kicking his legs a little.

“You think about steak all the time,” Kaneki retaliates.

Hide considers this for a moment and then nods.

“Fair point. But _still._ No more books now, okay?”

Kaneki gives up. “Okay.”

The game goes on for a while and Hide spots not only his favorite Gundam, but also a girl from their neighboring class and a limited edition curry snack that was only available for two months about three years ago.

 

 

Kaneki realizes he dozed off for a bit when he opens his eyes and finds Hide is not next to him anymore. After sitting up and looking around he spots Hide a little ways further down the river, balancing and jumping around on some big rocks.

The whole thing seems rather reckless and dangerous to Kaneki, but so do many things. Hide often tells him that he's too scared of everything and should just _do_ things once in a while.

Kaneki decides to get up and walk over to where Hide still has a lot of fun making his way to the middle of the river and calls, “Hide, be careful,” just for good measure. It's not like Hide would actually listen to him.

“You're finally awake, sleepyhead,” Hide grins. “I was getting super bored!”

Kaneki looks up to Hide who's proudly standing on a rock, hands on his hips and there is that smile again. The one that manages to make Kaneki forget about having to go back to his aunt. The smile that always lifts Kaneki's mood, even on one of his bad days. When Hide stretches out his hand to Kaneki with that smile on his face, Kaneki has no choice but to take it and let Hide help him climb up on the rock.

“Hide, don't you think this is a little dangerous?” Kaneki tries his best to hold his balance while Hide moves to jump onto another rock.

“Nah, we're good. What's the worst that could happen? We just take another dip into the water.”

Just as Hide says these words – _what's the worst that could happen –_ Kaneki feels the world shift as his right foot slips on the stone and then the sensation of falling when his hands desperately grab at nothing but air.

The next thing he knows is that he falls into the water and quickly raises his head to gasp for air. There's a shout of _Kaneki!_ and then Hide is already by his side, kneeling down in the shallow river. Hide carefully touches Kaneki's shoulder and frantically asks, “Kaneki, are you ok? You're not hurt, are you? Can you stand?”

“I'm ok, Hide. Don't worry.”

With Hide's help Kaneki tries to get up but a sharp pain runs through his right leg and he groans. He pulls himself upright on Hide's arm anyway.

“Shit, did you hurt your leg?”

Kaneki looks down and realizes his right knee is bleeding. He probably scratched it when he landed on the ground of the river. Upon actually seeing the wound, Kaneki's brain seems to properly register the pain that comes with it and it's bad enough to almost bring tears to Kaneki's eyes.

“Let's go back to my place, Kaneki. We're gonna have to do something about that knee of yours.” Hide seems seriously concerned, and while Kaneki doesn't _want_ Hide to be worried because of him, there is a certain comfort in knowing that he _is_.

Hide turns around, arms outstretched behind his body and says, “hop on!”

“I-It's fine, Hide, really, I can-”

“Nope, no way.” Hide shakes his head and looks back at Kaneki. “I'm gonna carry you.”

When Kaneki still doesn't move, Hide adds, “I'm super strong, you know. It's gonna be a piece of cake!”

Kaneki knows he doesn't really have any other choice and limps closer to Hide, grabbing onto his shoulders and letting Hide pull him up on his back.

Kaneki feels safe. The warmth of Hide's back reminds him of the hugs his mom would give him. Strong arms surrounding him and shielding him from the world. Now it's Hide's back shifting slightly underneath him as he walks. Kaneki rests his cheek on Hide's shoulder and closes his eyes.

 

***

 

Kaneki wondered how he could have ever forgotten that day. Looking back on it now, that was probably one of his happiest memories, despite the injury and the pain.

He looked at his arm, wrapped in a bandage. The wound that he had taken care of himself. The wound that would be healed in a day.

Kaneki lay down on the bed and drew his legs up to his chest.

He felt like he could almost hear Hide's voice.

But now Hide was gone. And what would he even do if he came back? Where would they pick up the threads of their friendship?

And it was so very scary. The thought of finding Hide only to then lose him again. Kaneki didn't think he could go through that one more time. It might just be what would finally throw him off the tightrope between life and death he was balancing on.

Kaneki thought of the countless times Hide had said his name with a smile on his face. Thought of Hide's voice saying _I already knew_. Thought of Hide's voice saying _I wanted to live on with you._

And _God_ had he wanted to live on with him too. How much he had wanted that.

Kaneki felt himself choke up. Felt tears welling up and couldn't hold them back. Felt his body start shaking.

“Hide,” he pressed out in between sobs.

“Hide... I'm so lonely without you...”

 

**Author's Note:**

> i might actually write a sequel to this to have it end in a happy way


End file.
